After many days, today I have felt a loss of energy.
After many days, today I have sat down to sit and think. Its not that I dont like to think or I cant think that I have not been doing so. But for some time I had been running away from this feeling. I was running away and was not sitting down and thinking. But where will you run away? The claws of reality are like a serpent and will definitely catch you, Sooner or Later..
There are many things racing in my mind today. And I am trying to run away from all but to no avail. Some day this had to come to front and this is the time..
Have to make things clearer to myself and then make things clearer to some people who care for me ... Given a choice I would still hide away or run away from this... But some times you have to do things under pressure. Some time you have to take a decision under pressure. I usually thought that not taking a decision is also a decision but NO it is not any more. Be it Gujarat or be it your personal life when things are going to get out of hand you have to take a decision. Else the same will happen as it happened in Gujarat.....
The question is simple " To be or not To be " .. Yes Hamlet ... "To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer "..
Simple yes pretty simple... Do I want what I want .. Do I want what I want more than what others (closed ones) want for me.... Do they really want this for me ... Am I not challenging them .. Am I not being decietful to them....
Let my mind find an answer.. Let my mind look for options and come back to it ...
Let me decide
The other factors that also come in my mind are When will I stop living for others and start living for myself. When will I work on what I want to work. When will I not be in two minds. When will I stop making mistakes again and again. When will I get what I want .. When will I start asking for myself.. When will I come out of this crossed fingers.. WHEN WHEN
Some times I think that because these "when" exist and these issues are there I am able to survive..
I think I am happy the way I am .. I will not able to survice and yes this phase of life needs to come which will help me pull down and sit and think .. this gives me more energy..
Thanks to some one who helps me in my blues and helps me sit down and helps in what ever way it can be done..
I am a fighter and will fight and will always want what I want..
next post will be with my wants and desires.. Though small ones but will have reasons behind each
